I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
