He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you never un-have a 4some
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
