i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
