Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
