i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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