It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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