Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
