I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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