hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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