it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
