Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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