So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
