Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
