he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
