I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
