dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
