yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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