when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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