your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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