its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
