It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
