More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
