I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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