OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
