is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
