Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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