she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
