i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
