How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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