my mouth tastes like poor choices
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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