I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize