ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
