oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
