Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This is my gift to your gina
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize