i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
