I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
