that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
