in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
