how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
