Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
