I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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