Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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