Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize