Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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