Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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