Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
