you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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