I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
