And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
