My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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