god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
