Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
