I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
