i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
