so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize