i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
