He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize