i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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