i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
