Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
