Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
