Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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