i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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