I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
