This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
