I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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