My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
where are my eyebrows?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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