Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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