Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize